I'd like to dedicate a song...

...to a friend who chose to take his own life 2 nights ago. I know how, but I don't know why...we can only speculate. I found out the news yesterday and it didn't hit me until today. I've been saddened by his decision because I can't imagine having such feelings that would push me to end something so precious and beautiful. His family and friends are in my thoughts and prayers. His roomate (and my good friend) who had to find him is especially on my mind and I wish him well. Alex, I'm so sorry that you couldn't find a single reason worth living for. May you rest in peace, friend. Today, I've been replaying this song. I dedicate it to Alex and to everyone who is headed down the same road.

"Everybody Hurts" by R.E.M.

(but I like the Corrs version better)

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,

When youre sure youve had enough of this life, well hang on.

Dont let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.

Sometimes everything is wrong. now its time to sing along.

When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)

If you feel like letting go, (hold on)

When you think youve had too much of this life, well hang on.

Everybody hurts. take comfort in your friends.

Everybody hurts. dont throw your hand. oh, no. dont throw your hand.

If you feel like youre alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If youre on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,

When you think youve had too much of this life to hang on.

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,

Everybody cries. and everybody hurts sometimes.

And everybody hurts sometimes. so, hold on, hold on.

Hold on, hold on. hold on, hold on. hold on, hold on. (repeat & fade)

(everybody hurts. you are not alone.)

MY walls...

...will soon be a work of art!

I've been pondering over these white bedroom walls of mine for quite some time now and the day of beautifying is growing near. I'm going to put my painting skills to work and give this place a little color..and character. I'm not painting the entire wall, just adding a small mural to the side at the head of my bed =)

I'm thinking I want to paint a branch coming in from my window with an old-fashioned antique looking birdcage hanging from it. Here are some inspiring images that I might use in composing my ideas. I can't wait to get started on it this week!

Food & Numbers

I've become a little obsessive with my food routine these days...um, these past MONTHS actually. It seems weird and crazy to some, but because my actions have become routine, it's real EASY. Anything that you do enough will become habit-forming and it's no longer a chore. Basically, I've been trying to figure out my body and the best ways for it to lose weight and stay healthy. I'm into nutrition. I read the books, nutrition labels and count calories. I'm no expert, and of course there's a chance that I'm not doing things right...but I play the trial and error game until I find the right plan that works for ME. Here's what I've been doing...

I noticed that eating 3 main meals a day (breakfast, lunch, dinner) with a small snack in between wasn't agreeing with me. After the main meals I'd feel bloated and heavier which would then cause me to feel a little more sluggish and wanting a siesta mid-day. And I also wouldn't know which meal to make larger. I've heard to make breakfast the biggest meal, lunch next in size and dinner the smallest of the 3. This got me thinking, why not make all my meals exactly the same? And...make them smaller and spread them throughout the day so that I won't get hungry. I've been playing around with my daily calorie intake and I still don't know what's preferable for me in terms of getting enough energy to burn for as much exercise that I do. Currently I'm eating 1,400 calories a day, which I think is too small but I'm trying to drop some pounds before a camping trip coming up so I've decreased it. I'm thinking 1,600 might be ideal. Anyways, I take 1,400 calories and divide it into 6 meals which gives me about 230 calories per meal.

The time I wake up and when I eat breakfast determines how often I eat. Today I ate meal #1 at 6:40am so in order to have meal #6 before 7pm I should eat each meal 2 hours and 25 minutes apart. I usually write down these times on a post-it before I start my day so that I don't forget. If I'm eating these small meals with only a few hours in between, not only do I not get/feel bloated and heavy but I'm constantly fueling my body which is giving it a consistent amount of energy. If I stick with the times, I don't get hungry either. The tricky part was coming up with meals that equal the desired calories. It's true that I mostly eat the same foods day to day to keep it easy and effective. I've already taken the time to do the measuring and calorie counting of these meals so now in the morning before work it's easier and quicker for me to prepare my meals for the whole day. If I will be away from home I always make sure I carry my lunch bag with me along with what I've prepared. Some meals include, but are not limited to:

1) 1 sliced apple with 1/2 cup non-fat yogurt, squeeze of lemon and about 1 1/2 tbsp chopped walnuts

2) 1/2 cup non-fat cottage cheese, 1 cup sliced strawberries, 1/2 cup blueberries, about 10 whole natural almonds

3) 1 whole grain pita pocket (or 1 slice whole grain fiber bread) spread with 1 tbsp all natural peanute butter and a 1/2 banana sliced

4) 1 slice whole grain/fiber bread with 1 piece of swiss cheese and a few oz turkey or ham (about 70 calories worth)

5) 1 cup Special K cereal (w/extra protein), 1/2 cup vanilla soy milk, tsp cinnamon, 1/2 banana sliced

6) 2 eggs, 1 slice of whole grain/fiber bread (toast) w/barely any butter and sprinkled cinnamon

7) Egg salad (1 hard boiled egg, 1/2 tbsp mayo, squeeze of mustard, salt/pepper) on 1 slice of whole grain/fiber bread, lettuce

8) Few oz. tuna mixed with half tbsp mayo, chopped celery, pepper, on a slice of whole grain/fiber bread and some lettuce and tomato

*It's important to try to balance your carbs, fats and proteins. The more proteins you eat while working out and doing some weight training...the more muscle you build..and the more muscle you build, the more calories you burn naturally throughout the day!

I also drink 2-3 cups of green tea dail

I think once I get to my ideal weight and shape I won't be as crazy about all of this as I am now. I'll be more flexible and just focus on maintaining rather than losing. There's a method to the madness...and it's working =)

Camping Checklist...

In 13 days from now...I'll be at Kern River, most likely still laying out on my raft in the river with a tastey drink in hand surrounded by good friends! I look forward to this every summer and this is only the first Kern camping trip of a few for 2009. So far, 15 people have confirmed and there are still about 10 "maybes." It's looking to be our most populated trip to date :) It will also be the most random, since almost half of the people going don't know eachother! Lots of "friend-of-a-friend's" and some of my coworkers. Just about everyday, when I'm bored for 10 minutes, I've been creating a checklist of all the things I need/want to bring...and they're all half complete. So, I'm going to make the OFFICIAL list here...and I'll keep adding if need be...and I'll come back to this list for future camping trips :)

Today I bought my first 2-burner propane stove from Target along with a head lamp and a griddle to make eggs and pancakes :) I've got quite a collection of camping gear and supplies that I've gathered over the past 8 years. The stove has been on the shopping list for about 4 of those years. Geez, about time!

SUPPLIES TOILETRIES

• Tent *Shampoo
• Tarp *Conditioner
• Tent light *Proactive wash
• Air mattress *Face soap
• Pump *Wash cloth/body wash
• Fitted sheet *Razor/shaving gel
• Sleeping bag *Brush/Comb
• Extra blanket *Rubber bands/bobby pins
• Pillow *Toothpaste/brush
• Mini broom/dust pan *Towel/hair towel
• Tent mirror *Deoderant
• Chairs *Body/face lotion
• Stove
• Propane
• Pot/pan
• Spatula/Pam
• Can Opener/cups
• Silverware CLOTHING
• Plates/bowls
• Paper towels/wipes *Flip flops (2)
• Mixing bowl *Hiking shoes/socks
• Tin foil *Sports bra
• Kettle/mug *Hiking shorts/shirt
• Cutting board/Knife *Bikinis
• Wash bin/dish towels *Board shorts
• Sponge/dish soap *Jean/Pj shorts
• Egg container *PJ pants/shirt
• 'Smores maker *Sweatshirt
• Grilled cheese maker *Tank tops/shirts
• Skewers *Leg warmers
• Matches/Fire wood *Warm toe socks
• Toilet paper *Water shoes
• 2-way radios *Beach towel
• Inner tubes *Hats
• River rafts *Bikini covers
• Tanning oils/sunblock *Headbands
• Camera
• Car charger
• iPod/charger/speakers
• Sunglasses/glasses
• Magazines
• Duct tape
• Games/cards
• PARTY ISLAND!!!!
• Rope
• Coolers
• Ice

FOOD IDEAS

• Water *Cottage cheese packs
• Strawberries *Bananas
• Apples *Almonds
• Eggs *Hard boiled eggs
• Salt/Pepper *Mayo
• Mustard *Ketchup
• Tuna cans *Celery
• Turkey *Cheese
• Bread *Hot dog buns
• Hot dogs *Canned chili
• Baked beans *Tomato soup
• Soy milk *Cereal
• Beer *Crystal Light packs
• Bacardi *Boone's Farm!!!
• Pancake mix/oil

Fishing: The sport of drowning worms

I love everything about camping. Yes, I said EVERYTHING! Nothing's a chore when you're with good friends in the great outdoors. I'm so glad and fortunate to have been invited on the annual Bishop fishing trip of my dear friend, Dominic and his best friend, Paul =) The 5+ hour drive up north and the unloading of the truck and setting up of the tents and campsite in pitch black and in the RAIN was totally worth it to wake up to THIS gorgeous view and set up. Hey, not bad, right? We're not first time campers ;)

Each morning we woke up much later than planned, but we still managed to get plenty of fishing in the day...and instructing. It was my first time fishing so Dominic patiently (at first, ha) tried to teach me. Paul put in his two cents, too. I did learn how to tie a hook onto the line, but had no luck catching anything worth keeping. I only caught a tiny one and had to release it.

By the end of the trip I had a hard time accepting my fishing failure and was becoming really frustrated, so Dom picked some flowers nearby and put them in a beer bottle vase for me to cheer me up. Aw it was sweet ;) Paul ended up catching one fatty fish and Dominic hit the jackpot and caught 5 keepers.

He demonstrated how to gut a fish later that night and we ate it as an appetizer before dinner. Of course, campfire and s'mores were part of our camping experience. And so was holding crickets and worms which was a first for me. I wasn't comfortable at all with putting those little guys on my hook so I mostly used fish eggs.

I felt too bad for them, stabbing them and then drowning them in the water, and then feeding them to the fish! Death x 3 :( It was pretty cool though wearing Dom's waders so that I could chill a few feet into the water and walk through the mud to get to better fishing holes (although they were too big and I had to clip them to my jeans and hold them up most of the time). Overall, I had a great time! I can now cross fishing off my life list. I've always wanted to do it. Sometime I'd

like to fish in a little row boat or canoe in the middle of a giant lake. Anyways, Dom and Paul are great camping companions. There wasn't a dull moment between all the cooking, fishing, cleaning, raining, dishwashing (me), pine needle tea making (Dom), catching escape artist crickets (Paul), cocktail making, iPod shuffling, drying off the walky talky (only Dom, twice), shivering during the freezing nights (just me), driving around Bishop, playing with Roxi, trying to bathe in the bathroom's sink, admiring the gorgeous scenery and LAUGHING! Paul's a crack up, full of impressions, movie quotes and random bursts of song :) And so is watching Dominic try to set up a hammock that holds him up about an inch off the ground. I guess it doesn't matter how high you get it, it's a success as long as it's "up." He was still able to take a nap in it. It was a... "I'll show this hammock who's boss" moment :)

I can't wait for the next trip!!!

Don't Hate...CREATE

Just a collection of some of my artwork from over the years. Unfortunately, I'm not one of those artists that can use only their imagination as a reference...I have to use actual images to look from and then create.

This kitty goes back to 6th grade I think. It's pencil on canvas...i never did get around to painting it. I was always to afraid I'd mess it up.

Lizards done in charcoal when I was in junior high.

My first official oil painting on canvas. Done in junior high.

I think these penguins were painted in 9th grade as a class assingment.

This was a warm-up assignment from a class at SDSU. Carving from a block of clay...copying an ad from a magazine.

Class assignment from SDSU. I believe the idea was to draw a place that brings you peace. The bathtub is my escape.

A really close copy of Posada's Mexican art. This was an assignment at SDSU and a gift to my mom in honor of El Dia de los Muertos.

This was a weird assignment, so i'm not going to try to explain it. But we did have to take random objects and trace them using different line thicknesses.

My teacher told me that out of all the MANY years he'd been teaching at SDSU, THIS was the best result he's seen from this assingment. Sweet! It was a group project and there were 4 of us (including the dancer) and we each had a portion of her portrait that we were responsible for recreating using only dots, hatch marks, squiggly lines...etc...no actual hard lines.

Dyptich assignment that I based off one of my favorite songs and artists. No Woman No Cry by Bob Marley. Gift to my brother, hangs on his bedroom wall.

SDSU assignment, inspired by the work of Chuck Close. All the colors were handmixed by me and pieces were individually painted. Up close, it seems more like a puzzle. The farther back you stand, the more whole it seems.

A small charcoal drawing I've started. It's still unfinished.

Collage of newspaper in the background. Black acrylic paint. I did this over a few bored lunch breaks at work.

Inspired by a picture I found online. This is done on a shiny silver posterboard.

The Importance of Literacy

Had I learned to read....

....I would be a more lawfully abiding citizen.

Educate yourselves, kids.

¿Habla español?

Finally, I'm an owner of the Rosetta Stone software for learning Spanish (Latin America), levels 1,2 AND 3!!! It was given to me as a "gift", downloaded free from the Internet. The whole set costs a whopping $499....whoa. I've only just begun my Spanish adventure with the program, but I do have an advantage. Not only have I taken Spanish all through high school and a few years of it in college (passing with flying colors each time) but I am also half Mexican! My mother speaks Spanish fluently which gives me a chance to practice what I've learned. Many family members on her side don't speak English and some still live on the family's ranch in Mexico. I've slacked big time on practicing the language and I've decided that it's about time I get back on track to becoming fluent. It's one of my goals to visit my grandparents and some uncles in Mexico very soon, but not until I can actually carry a full conversation with them in Spanish. I'm really hoping that Rosetta Stone does the trick. I've only been using it for a few days but so far so good. It's pretty easy since I already have a solid BASIC Spanish foundation. I've read that I have to wait until levels 2 and 3 before it gets more converstional and a bit more challenging.

I'll update on my thoughts and reviews the further I get into the program.

Hasta luego =)